


Goodbye...

by Astrid_Midnight



Category: Compilation of Final Fantasy VII
Genre: Angst, Endless Summer 2020, F/M, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:08:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25281376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Astrid_Midnight/pseuds/Astrid_Midnight
Summary: He had to leave. Today.But goodbye is never easy.Especially when it's someone you love.Written for Endless Summer 2020. Day 1 Prompt: “I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you”- Dirty Dancing (1987).
Relationships: Tifa Lockhart/Cloud Strife
Comments: 12
Kudos: 23





	Goodbye...

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Day 1 of Endless Summer 2020!!
> 
> Prompt: “I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life the way I feel when I’m with you”- Dirty Dancing (1987).
> 
> Of course, I interpreted this in the most angsty way :))))

He had to leave. Cloud knew that. He knew that there was no curing his Geostigma. He had been searching for a cure ever since they brought Denzel into their family but what good did it do when _he_ was sick as well? Cloud groaned and buried his head into a pillow as it became fuzzy and heavy with pain.

Of course, this happened to him. Everything had been going too well for him recently. Sure, his relationship with Tifa had been on the rocks but things had gotten better. _He_ had gotten better. There were days where Cloud felt genuinely happy. The suffering they went through to rebuild their lives felt worth it because they all had the potential to live happily.

But now his Geostigma reminded him why none of that was really possible. Even after everything they did, there was still something that could be taken away from him.

Maybe this was his punishment from the Planet, Cloud bitterly considered. He was the reason Sephiroth had the Black Materia to summon Meteor in the first place and, in turn, Aerith dying summoning Holy. So, in his mind, it was his fault the world and his friends were in the state they were in now. Of course, he wasn’t allowed to rebuild his own life.

He didn’t deserve to.

 _Today_ , Cloud thought, as he threw a bunch of miscellaneous things into a bag, _I have to leave today._

He didn’t want to leave. It was the last thing that he wanted to do. Things had been good with everyone; he started to feel like they were a real, normal family. Even if their lives had been far from ‘normal’, he felt like they were finally beginning to heal from the pain of their past.

Cloud slowly opened the door to the kids’ room, peering in to see the two sleeping children. He quietly eased himself in, making his way to Marlene first. He gently rested a hand on her hair. Two years ago, Marlene wasn’t too fond of him, always afraid whenever he was around. Now, she had become more comfortable around him and had welcomed him into this little family. And here he is, spitting all over it by leaving.

 _I have to do this_ , Cloud reminded himself. _It’ll hurt less if I’m already gone._

Once he whispered his goodbyes, Cloud made his way to Denzel. Instinctively, he checked the boy’s forehead for any stigma bleeding out of it but found none; just the black marks that looked like bruises. Cloud sighed; it still wasn’t good but was a little better than normal.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered. Whether it was because he was leaving or because he couldn’t find a cure in time, he didn’t know.

Saying his final goodbyes, Cloud rose from beside the bed and made his way toward the bedroom door. He paused for a second but turned around to look at the children one last time. He had no idea how they would react once they realised that he wasn’t coming home. They’d probably think he was abandoning them, which he _was_ , but not for the reasons they would most likely think.

Cloud stopped at the top of the stairs for a good minute. He knew that Tifa would already be up and getting ready for the day, despite the bar not opening up for a few hours. He rested his head against a wall and sighed. She always did more work than she had to. He figured it was because she needed some sort of distraction from… everything.

Cloud knew that feeling all too well; he had been taking more jobs, more frequently to get away from the house. Tifa took it that he was trying to get out of spending time with her and the kids when they closed the bar and, as much as Cloud wanted to explain that wasn’t the reason, he couldn’t. Instead, he had to lie through his teeth, saying he had already declined too many. At times, Tifa looked like she wanted to say more to that but every time she relented, saying she understood. When she tightly wished him a safe journey, Cloud couldn’t swallow the pit that settled in his throat and stomach. He wanted nothing more than to spend with Tifa and the kids but the more time he spent with them, the more likely they were to catch on he was sick. If they caught on that he was sick, they would eventually find out he was _Geostigma sick_.

He couldn’t let that happen. He couldn’t let the kids be afraid that he wouldn’t make it. He couldn’t let Tifa fret over him even more when she had herself to worry about.

Cloud wiped a hand over his eyes. He promised Tifa that he would be there to remind her who she was if she ever forgot. He promised all those years ago that he would be there for her.

_Way to go, Strife. So much for being her hero._

The self-deprecating thought followed him all the way down the stairs. He peered around the corner to see Tifa setting up stools and wiping down the tables that she probably cleaned three times already. He always enjoyed watching Tifa run the bar, she was the natural she had been at the old ‘Seventh Heaven’. From watching her mix drinks again, it seemed to have brought back the enthusiasm she had previously lost.

Sometimes, when he would be working at a table in the corner, away from all the chatter, he would suddenly hear her bubbly laughter. Curiosity would get the better of him, and he would turn around in his seat to see Tifa chatting with patrons and laughing at some joke they were telling.

On those days where he and Tifa weren’t talking, it brought him back to Nibelheim, when he’d see Tifa laughing with her friends. Those times where she felt out of reach. And on those days where they weren’t talking, when Tifa had brightened up around others, the dark thoughts in the back of his mind reminded him that the distance between them was growing. As if sensing his gaze on her, Tifa would turn to catch Cloud’s gaze and would feel the suffocating awkwardness Cloud was exuding. However, after a while, Tifa would give him a small smile, a smile that let Cloud know that things were okay. That they were okay. Cloud would always find himself smiling back, which would make Tifa’s smile grow.

But Cloud thought darkly that he couldn't do anything to make Tifa smile right now. Not with what he was about to do.

Deciding to rip off the metaphorical bandaid instead of pondering over possibilities, Cloud emerged from the corner. Tifa turned around from the tables to make her way to the front of the bar to find Cloud in front of her. She stepped back once in surprise and put a hand to her chest.

She laughed lightly. “You’re up early.”

“So are you,” he mumbled back. Tifa opened up her mouth to respond but then caught sight of the duffel bag in his hand. Cloud could see the emotions swirling in her eyes and could tell what assumption she was correctly making. “It’s for a delivery,” Cloud blurted out a little too eagerly. He straightened up himself when Tifa was startled into silence by his sudden statement.

Tifa looked down at the cloth in her hand before making her way back to behind the bar. “If you say so.”

Cloud let out a silent breath while her back was turned. She probably had caught onto what he was doing but didn’t say anything. It was the unsaid that left Cloud stuck. He didn’t want this to be their last conversation. Tifa deserved better than a curt goodbye.

_She doesn’t deserve any of this from you. You don’t deserve her after what you’ve done._

But she deserved _something_.

Swallowing down his nerves, he set his bag down beside the door and made his way to the front of the bar.

He sat down on a stool directly opposite her which made her eyes shoot up in surprise. She held eye contact for a few moments, as if she was shocked that he decided to say. She quickly regained her composure, however, clearing her throat and busied herself organising glasses that definitely didn’t need to be organised. “I thought you have a delivery.”

Cloud let himself smirk a little. “I’ve got time,” he said.

Tifa raised an eyebrow in scepticism. “For?”

Cloud shrugged as casually as possible. “To talk.”

She let out a sharp chuckle. “Very specific request, there.”

“Come on, whatever you want,” Cloud let himself smile more to encourage her.

Tifa looked around the bar and then down at her feet nervously. A shy smirk bloomed across her face. “I’ve decided to make the ‘Cosmo Canyon’ again.”

“Yeah?”, Cloud found himself saying in genuine surprise.

Tifa brushed a strand of hair away from her face. “It was the best one we had. Seems appropriate to bring it back.”

“Good. I always liked it.”

That made Tifa rolled her eyes in amusement. “You only had it once.”

Despite the situation, Cloud found it in himself to chuckle. “Still…”

Tifa smiled for a moment. “Maybe… I can make it for both of us… tonight?”, she asked hesitantly, looking up at him slowly.

The proposal made Cloud’s throat dry up. He wanted nothing more than for that to be possible. All he wanted was for him to be able to stay with Tifa but deep in his heart, he knew that it wasn’t possible. No matter how much leaving Tifa would break him and drive him further into emptiness, it was for her own good. It was for everyone’s sake.

But he couldn’t say no, then she’d definitely know that something was up. Cloud knew that if Tifa begged him to stay, he would. The selfish side of him would say that, even with his Geostigma, they would find a way to fix everything. He couldn’t do that to Tifa, not when she had already suffered so much.

 _This was for the best_ , he told himself. _Let her think it’s fine. For now_.

“Yeah,” he replied as smoothly as he could. “I’d love that.”

The relieved smile Tifa showed tore at Cloud’s heart as he overwhelmed himself with guilt. He’d let her think that he was coming back and everything would be fine. This was going to hurt her more than he could ever imagine.

_It will hurt even more if you stay. Do you want to do that to her?_

Cloud mentally shook the voice away. Of course, he didn’t want that. If it were possible, Cloud would take all of Tifa’s pain away in an instant.

“Great,” she breathed out as if she was holding her breath while waiting for him to respond.

Cloud found himself getting lost in Tifa’s smile. That smile that he had admired from all those years ago, that made butterflies flutter in his stomach. It always had that ability to relax him; seeing her look so serene and gentle.

And he would never experience that feeling again.

He looked down at his hands that were resting on top the bar. He closed his eyes briefly and all he could see was Tifa’s comforting expression. He was really gonna miss that. He was really gonna miss _her_.

“I-I have to go,” he said without thinking. He really didn’t want to leave right now; it was too soon. But if he didn’t leave now, either Tifa would catch onto his condition or he would just cave and tell her himself. Both of those possibilities wouldn’t end well for Tifa or the kids. The only thing he could possibly do in this moment would be to disappear before brought anymore suffering into their lives.

Tifa’s smile fell at his sudden statement, which made the guilt in Cloud’s heart rise to a harsher degree. He hated that he was playing with her like this. “Oh, right, of course,” she replied softly. Cloud could practically hear the disappointment behind her voice and berated himself internally for taking away that momentary glimmer of hope when he didn’t have to.

“I’m sorry,” he said, trying to hide how broken his voice was.

Tifa shook her head. “It’s alright; don’t want to make you late.”

_That’s not why I’m-_

“Right.”

Cloud remained sat in his seat for a short moment until he realised that Tifa was still watching him, probably wondering why he wasn’t making his way out after eagerly stating that he had to leave. When he finally went to slide off the stool, Tifa turned her back to him and began taking out spare glasses from the cupboard.

“Have a safe trip,” she said in the lively voice of hers, though Cloud couldn’t discern what her expression was like.

Cloud was about to make his way to the front door when he stopped and turned back to Tifa. This wasn’t right. Tifa deserved a better than that, even if she didn’t know this was goodbye. He sighed shallowly and hesitantly approached Tifa again.

She didn’t seem to hear him making his way over, as she was still busying herself with glasses and bottles of alcohol. Cloud clenched and unclenched his hands at his side, unsure of what to do. Eventually, he mustered up the courage to place himself at Tifa’s side.

Tifa turned around, frowning when she realised Cloud was next to her. “What are you-”

Without letting her finish her question, Cloud wrapped his arms around Tifa, pulling her close to his chest. Tifa paused when Cloud brought her into the embrace, her hands hovering over his side, not knowing what to do or how to process what Cloud was doing. Cloud felt Tifa freeze up in his arms, which left him at a loss. Obviously, he had no idea what was going through Tifa’s mind when he decided to hug her out of the blue. This was probably gonna clue her in that something was off, Cloud considered but, in the moment, he didn’t care. This was going to be the last time he’d have Tifa in his arms and the last time she’d ever see him. He would allow himself this final moment.

To Cloud’s surprise, Tifa’s hands slowly came up to curl around his shoulders and lightly pressed her face into his shoulder. She said nothing to him; only stood still in the embrace. For a moment, time seemed to stop and Cloud let his mind wander away from reality. He missed having Tifa in his arms. Cloud hadn’t been as open as he was two years ago and this intimacy with Tifa felt familiar, but foreign at the same time. He had already been distancing himself from her when dealing with his grief but having Tifa in his arms again reminded him just how stupid he was.

Tifa was suffering too; she had her own demons to confront. He had promised her that if she ever forgot who she was, he’d be there to remind her. And Cloud meant it; he hated seeing Tifa upset. He didn’t want her to go down the path he had already sent himself down, consumed by guilt and grief. But he couldn’t keep his promise, not when staying would only bring more grief and suffering into her heart.

Cloud had to let go. He had been holding Tifa for a couple of minutes now and he knew that he’d continue if he didn’t stop himself. Regret festering in his heart, Cloud moved his hands to Tifa’s shoulders and gently pulled them apart, already feeling the cold distance between them. He held onto Tifa’s shoulders, vibrant eyes looking into her deep red ones. Tifa looked like she was afraid of what Cloud was going to do next and hated himself for making her feel that way.

He said he’d be there to remind Tifa of her cheerful self but, here he was, doing the exact opposite.

Still looking into Tifa’s eyes, his hands slid down Tifa’s slender arms to lightly hold her warm fingers. He gave them a gentle squeeze and he hoped the small gesture was enough to convey the unsaid.

_I’m sorry… I’m so sorry…_

Cloud forced himself to let go of Tifa’s hands, his own already feeling cold again. He wanted nothing more than to keep Tifa in his arms, to stay and live their life with the kids, but fate had crueller plans. He hoped they could forgive him one day.

“Bye, Tifa,” he said finally.

He heard Tifa take in a shuddering breath. “Bye, Cloud.” She continued to take his in his demeanour, probably expecting him to say something else. But he didn’t.

Cloud nodded jerkily and quickly turned away from her, not wanting her to see the tears that were about to spill from his eyes. He briskly walked to the front door and picked up his bag.

He was already missing her warmth.

He turned back to Tifa, who already had her back to him, busying herself again. He would miss them all so much. He would miss the way Tifa would make him feel with a single smile or laugh. It just hit him that, if he was going to die, this would be the last time he would see her. He would never listen to her idle chatter around the bar. They would never feel like a normal family.

And she would hate him for it.

But that was fine.

Better than mourning him, right?

* * *

Trying to keep his mind off Tifa, Cloud absentmindedly shoved his bag into the compartment on the back of Fenrir. He was settling onto the bike when his felt his Geostigma flare up. His arm and head felt simultaneously agonising and he clutched his arm as he went blind with pain. The tears he was trying so hard to keep back spilled over and, once he started, Cloud couldn’t stop.

He hated this. He hated this so much. Of course, this had to happen to him. Just when he was getting the fragments of his life back together. When he finally felt _happy_. He wiped away the hot tears with his arm, already feeling the Geostigma ooze out from its wound. He’d have to change the bandages soon, he thought distractedly as he started up the engine, trying to keep his mind clear. He blinked heavily, trying to clear away the haze that his episode had brought.

When he finally felt the pain dissipate, he looked down and blinked one last time. In front him, he could see the bottom half of two figures. One in a _very familiar_ SOLDIER uniform, the other in a _very familiar_ pink dress.

Cloud ducked his head down further to avoid looking into the eyes of the two phantoms in front of him. “Don’t you say anything…”, he choked out, practically feeling their disapproving glares on him. He blinked again and when he looked up, they were gone.

He sighed. Cloud zoomed down the street before he could dwell on anything else.

* * *

**_“You have four new messages.”_ **

_Beep_

_“Hi, Cloud. It’s getting pretty late and you’re still not back yet. I hope you’re alright… call me back so I know you’re alright…”_

_Beep_

_“Cloud, it’s been almost two days. Are you okay? Where are you? The kids are worried sick, and I don’t know what to say to them… Whatever’s wrong, I’m sure we can talk about it.”_

_Beep_

_“You don’t have to call me back, okay Cloud? Just send me a text, anything, so that I know you’re safe. Please…”_

_Beep_

_“Cloud Strife, this isn’t a joke. Call me back and come home right now! What do you think you’re even doing?! The kids are beginning to that you’re… that you’re… oh god, please don’t be de-”_

_Beep_

* * *

**_“You have one new message.”_ **

_Beep_

_“I got your text, Cloud… I- I’m glad you’re okay… I’ll… I’ll call if I get any jobs for you… Goodnight.”_

_Beep._

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you enjoyed this!! I had a lot of fun writing it!!!
> 
> Twitter: @xvsylleblossoms


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